so, i guess thats that.
i guess it is.
i want you to know that im going to think about you. every night.
i imagine ill think about you too.
ill probably cry in my pillow when our song comes on my shuffle and ill dig up that picture i buried in the back of my closet when i threw away the rest.
why will you keep it?
because we look happy and somewhere down the road ill be happier for having kept it. not at first, because at first its going to sting like hell. which is why ill bury it. but in the middle of the night when i dont have the sun to shine in my eyes and distract me, ill need to look at it and remind myself that the tears are worth it.
i dont want to make you cry.
i know and thats part of the reason why theyll be worth it. you arent stealing them from me, im giving them freely. i wont be crying because you betrayed me, ill be mourning the natural death of our relationship. it had a shorter life span than i had been hoping for, but it would be cruel to keep it on life support.
so we can be friends?
in time. its not your fault, but im likely to be mad and bitter for a while and it wont be fair to put that strain on a friendship when its undeserved. ill just need the mad to keep me strong and the bitter to help face gossiping eyes. ill probably be short with you when you talk to me and snide when you dont. please, dont take it personally. understand, it will be more survival than anything.
ill try. and understand when i have a new girl and im holding her tight, its not to cut at you, its to keep my arms from reaching for you. and when i kiss her when youre walking by, it will be to keep my breath from forming pleas to catch your trailing feet.
ill do my best to walk fast. and i want you to know that ill likely still love you for a while, but it will be more of an echo than a living thing. love is a habit thats hard to break. so ill pick up my phone two or three times a day to call you before i put it down. ill turn on my turn signal to go to your house before i adjust my wheel and go straight instead. that will hurt more than anything, the empty space that ill have to fill. the time i used to devote to you will be a harsh reminder every day.
ill do my best to make it easy then. when i want to send you a picture that i know youll appreciate, ill stop myself. even when im aching to make you laugh. when i see youre cold, ill stop myself from putting my arm around you. i wont say well do this together because we have to do it alone, but ill do my best to pave the road for you. because i might not love you like i did, but ill care for you, even when it seems like i dont.
this is going to be hard.
having to find my feet again, having to regrow my spine, having to take my heart back from your chest. it was warm there its cold now. so cold.
youll find a way to warm it back up.
yes, i will. and if it means making a fire by burning your pictures, try to understand.