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i am shaking with broken bones and trembling fingers.

i’m digging myself into holes until i’m ten feet from the surface and gasping for air. and you’re standing at the top with half-crescent smiles and gilded lies falling from between your teeth. you’re breathing in carbon dioxide while you sip on gasoline, saying the things that are worst for us are sometimes exactly what we need. i don’t know what you mean but i’d like to imagine if i could touch you, you’d go up in smoke.

this is when you call me painfully beautiful and kick down a rock, wait until you hear it hit the bottom before you giggle like a child and say that it had taken ten seconds for the rock to land and that was nine more than i would last if you pushed me off the edge of reason. i can’t bear to look at you, i can’t bear to tell you i fell a long time ago and that you were being generous because it took much less time for me to splatter on the rocks below.

this is when i remember that i want to remind you that i am painful but certainly not beautiful, and that saying i am is akin to sticking needles in my arm and calling me a porcelain doll. it is a pretty lie but a cheap one that is falling apart at the seams. it can’t even be lodged in your mouth because vinegar-lips dissolve it at first touch. your lies are usually much better, your lies are made of platinum and steel, never rusting but wrapping around my lungs until i’m breathing them in and believing.

i want to tell you about the lie, but i can’t. i want to, but i don’t. instead i tuck the words behind my lip like tobacco and wait for them to infect it like a disease, wait for them to grow into an angry cancer that tears me apart at the base and scatters my remains around like a game.

and you just whistle and bite your lip, ask me how much longer i’ll be because the dawn is coming and there is nothing more you dislike than a sunny burial. it seems wrong you say, like eating cold soup and wearing socks with sandals.

just one more minute, i promise, just one more minute.
in the time it will take you to feed me another lie i’ll be gone.
{"you push, you push
as i gasp for air
your hands no where in sight
it's ok i'm in love
in love with pain
or maybe just the game
it keeps me sane
slay me and make me
desecrate me, i'll let you take me
all the way"
--after midnight project

full title: i'm running out of excuses of why i should believe in you.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmekamouse:
I was terrified as the hole got to big to climb out of.

I was stunned when no one wanted to help you (because i'm sure there are tons of people who would love to give you a hand just to say they were there for you when someone else wasn't).

I do like what you said here: "nothing more you dislike than a sunny burial. it seems wrong you say, like eating cold soup and wearing socks with sandals."

I would love to be able to lie like that.
Like steel or platinum.
With such a firm grip on what I was going to say.

(what I want to say is beautiful job :heart:)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconxvtophatsxiii:
xvTopHatsxiii Featured By Owner May 29, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
This is beautiful and deep, so many hidden meanings. I love it. <3
Reply
:icontsunani:
Tsunani Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2010
It was definitely and truly great, Your one of few people who's minds i'd love to explore ^^
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
careful, exploring my mind would be like playing mindsweeper.
Reply
:icontsunani:
Tsunani Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2010
Mindsweeper eh? Never won that one :P
Reply
:iconsummernightangel:
summernightangel Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2009
after midnight project? i think i may be hooked. i have to say i love the lyrics from your artists' comments, the ones i know and the ones i ought to know :]
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
thefireflyliberation Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2009
:heart::heart: haha i am so gladd :]
Reply
:iconvelocity07:
velocity07 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2009
OMG, I love this! Definitely a fave! :love:
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
:heart: thank you!
Reply
:iconvelocity07:
velocity07 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2009
You're welcome! :huggle:
Reply
:iconsolider-1st:
SOLIDER-1st Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2009
I could smell that entire poem, which is rather impressive since I've had the greater part of my sense of smell beaten out of me...
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
aw, i'm sorry to hear you lost that scent :(
but thank you for the compliment all the same.
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:hug: maybe you shouldn't believe in a dried up husk of a man such as I Always you continue to impress me. :) :heart:
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
you make me smile :)
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:blush: :hug:
Reply
:iconjas43080:
jas43080 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2009
You Really Are Special!:tighthug:
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
aw, you think? that's so sweet of you.
Reply
:iconjas43080:
jas43080 Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2009
:blush:
Reply
:iconxhollywoodscene:
xhollywoodscene Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2009
wow, this is so amazing! there is so much feeling, and you put it into words so well :)
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
aw, thank you soso much!
Reply
:iconreddaverocker:
reddaverocker Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2009
I like this. Very passionate. Written in one sitting?
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
:heart::heart: thank you soso much.
and yes, i'd say it took me about fifteen-twenty minutes.
Reply
:iconreddaverocker:
reddaverocker Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2009
I thought so, it has the quality of something written in the throes of a particular emotion or mood. :)
Reply
:iconyourheartonmysleeve:
yourheartonmysleeve Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2009
as usual, your work continues to give me chills, and i'm so jealous. i hope you find your answer, i hope you find your happiness. everyone deserves happiness.
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
ajkshdjkas. thank you soso much, love.
:heart:
Reply
:iconyourheartonmysleeve:
yourheartonmysleeve Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2009
haha. it's all you. :D
Reply
:icondevelindiskies:
develindiskies Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009
woah.... took me a few seconds to comprehend. then i got chills.
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
:heart: that made me smile, thank you so much.
Reply
:iconthedeadfishreport:
TheDeadFishReport Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Sounds like going out with a lawyer. Very well done.
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
thank you soso much.
Reply
:iconryder26:
Ryder26 Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009
This is beautiful :heart: It is very expressive and you use a lot of imagery in your words. I like the full title as well... you express a lot of emotions many readers are able to relate with. Again, great work.
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
asdjalsk. thank you soso much!
Reply
:iconryder26:
Ryder26 Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009
=) You're very welcome!
Reply
:iconindigoskyes:
IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
My favorite part was the title.
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
i think that was a compliment? :heart:
Reply
:iconindigoskyes:
IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Haha, it was. I meant I liked the whole thing, but the title was wonderful.
Reply
:iconfirefairy102:
FireFairy102 Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009
Beautiful :heart:
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
thank youu!
Reply
:iconfirefairy102:
FireFairy102 Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2009
You're very welcome :)
Reply
:iconkeskai-yamada:
keskai-yamada Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009
it's like a beautiful nightmare, that i want to see till the end. so beautiful.<3
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
thank you soso much. i always appreciate your feedback.
Reply
:iconkeskai-yamada:
keskai-yamada Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2009
^ ^ welcome, i always enjoy reading your work
Reply
:iconanswersonpostcards:
answersonpostcards Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009   Writer
Oh wow, imagery is fantastic, meaning is brilliant, just err yeah, wow.
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
:heart: thank you soso much.
Reply
:iconkathrynlaura:
kathrynlaura Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009
This is just beautiful, well done. :]
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
:heart: thank you soso much.
Reply
:iconeternalfreedom:
EternalFreedom Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009
:heart:!
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
:heart: thank you soso much.
Reply
:iconeternalfreedom:
EternalFreedom Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009
welcome <3
Reply
:icontwilighthinata:
TwilightHinata Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2009
"i can’t bear to tell you i fell a long time ago and that you were being generous because it took much less time for me to splatter on the rocks below."

Beautiful.
Reply
:iconthefireflyliberation:
:heart: thank you soso much.
Reply
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August 26, 2009
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